¶ 1: Intro
¶ 2: Also intro
· Combine this with ¶ 1
· There needs to be a much clearer thesis statement. Right now, I know what you’ll be discussing, but not what your position is.
Section: Prevalence of cybercrimes among the soft targets
¶ 3: One major reason for seriousness of cybercrimes is that users lack knowledge, which makes them vulnerable to phishing attacks. These people are called soft targets.
¶ 4: Further information on soft targets, which can mean individuals or businesses. Brief info on how such entities can prevent crime.
¶ 5: Example of cyber attacks on schools, which are soft targets.
¶ 6: Surveys show that people are more concerned about cybercrime than other types of crime.
¶ 7: Users need education and methods to prevent cyber attacks
Section: Exposure to cyber attacks
¶ 8: Internet users are partially to blame for becoming victims of cybercrime.
¶ 9: New technology is also to blame
· “adamants” in the first sentence – should this be advancements?
Section: The nature of cyber-attacks for among the soft targets.
· In this section and the one below, I think you can condense some of this material so that you have more room to discuss the policy recommendations you want to make for how to address cybercrime.
¶ 10: Specific type of attack: social engineering
¶ 11: Specific type of attack: phishing
¶ 12: Specific type of attack: pretexting – a form of social engineering
¶ 13: Specific type of attack: baiting
Section: Crimes suffered by the soft targets
¶ 14: Type of crime: identity theft
¶ 15: Type of crime: cyberbullying
¶ 16: Type of harm victims suffer: depression
Section: Global trends in cyber attacks
¶ 17: There has been an increase; some stats on this
¶ 18: Cybercrime will continue to increase
¶ 19: Costs of cybercrime
· Here is where I think you can add your policy recommendations. Having them appear after your claims that cybercrime will be increasing will give your audience an investment in what you’re saying.
¶ 20: Conclusion
· Your main area for revision at this point is pretty large. Right now there’s no argument here – this is just a report on cybercrime. What is your specific position? Is it a claim of fact, value, or policy?
· You’ll need to start by crafting a debatable thesis statement. What is a position on cybercrime that you could imagine someone disagreeing with?
· You’ll next need to have a clear sense of how each paragraph contributes to that argument. You will likely need to combine some paragraphs so you have room to add new paragraphs that relate to your argument.
· Your new section should be related to potential solutions, and I think you would do well to address both potential solutions – actions on the part of the consumer and actions on the part of companies who have our data. I think the best approach probably incorporates some actions on the part of each side rather than there being a solution that can be implemented from only the consumer or only the company side. A recent example you may choose to use is the Experian data breach.
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